Will’s Favorite 2022 Movies
A quick note before we begin: While as of writing this I’ve seen 71 new movies that were released in 2022, I still wasn’t able to see everything I wanted to. So with that in mind a quick acknowledgement and shoutout to ‘Close,’ ‘The Eternal Daughter,’ ‘Kimi,’ ‘Resurrection,’ and ‘Return to Seoul,’ which I’ve heard are great and intend to catch up with very soon.
That said, before we get to the good stuff, here’s the really bad shit I encourage you to avoid…
Will’s Bottom Five
5. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore
The third film in this ‘Harry Potter’ spinoff series which never should have existed in the first place was so goddamn boring I think I forgot every single part of it the next day. Seriously, what happened in this movie? Was Johnny Depp in it?
4. Elvis
I’m guessing the choice to tell Elvis’ story from the perspective of the Colonel Tom Parker was inspired by ‘Amadeus,’ but while Salieri truly understood what made Mozart brilliant, Parker simply picked up on Elvis’ popularity and knew how to exploit people. It’s a decision that does not pay off. Nor does Baz Luhrmann’s nauseating style add up to much substance (which is frankly to be expected at this point in the Australian director’s career), and so Austin Butler’s admittedly good performance as the titular rockstar is rendered all but inert in yet another one of these messy and ineffective musical biopics.
3. Black Adam
Have you heard the news? The hierarchy of power in the DC Universe has been forever changed! Just kidding! It’s just another shit-show of a superhero movie from those clowns at Warner Brothers. ‘Black Adam’ was sold to us as the new bad boy anti-hero of the DC Universe, but apparently all that means is that he’s going to kill a couple evil mercenaries in cold blood and the feckless “Justice Society” (seriously, can we get some different words in here for mortals like me to tell these groups apart?) will wag their fingers and tell him that’s bad. Black Adam is so powerful and dispences with each new heavy so easily you keep waiting for the movie to give him a proper villain to really test him. It doesn’t. Maybe that’s the fault of Dwayne Johnson, what with that ego of his not wanting to lose fights in movies and whatnot, but whoever’s to blame this is one boring, forgettable, crappy, crappy movie. Speaking of The Rock and his fragile ego, seeing one of the highest paid actors of our time go off on social media attempting to prove how ‘Black Adam’ will actually end up being profitable is about as pathetic and small as he could make himself short of, I dunno, slapping Chris Rock?
2. Jurassic World: Dominion
If Larry David walked into a movie theater last summer and said “gimme a ticket to one of your bullshit franchise movies” I bet they’d send him straight into ‘Jurassic World: Dominion.’ I love Steven Spielberg’s original 1993 ‘Jurassic’ flick as much as the next movie fan, and I probably enjoy the ’97 sequel ‘The Lost World’ more than most people. But that was 30 years ago. I cannot tell you how much I hate these cynical, braindead ‘Jurassic World’ movies, and every day I pray to my uncaring athiest gods that we can finally be done with with this played-out movie series.
1. The Gray Man
Have you heard the one about the unstoppable government assassin with a heart of gold who gets burned by his agency and hunted by the good guys and the bad guys? No, it’s not another ‘Bourne’ movie — I’m talking about ‘The Gray Man,’ the reason I now think the Russo Brothers are a couple of talentless hacks who Kevin Feige shoved a camera into their hands and turned them towards the Avengers to make a couple of the most successful movies ever. What a disappointment. I know I shouldn’t expect much from a Netflix original at this point, but here the Russos waste what was reportedly Netflix’s highest feature budget, as well as the talents of Ryan Gosling, Ana de Armas, Billy Bob Thornton, Alfre Woodard, Jessica Henwick and Julia Butters on the most generic, toothless action movie I’ve seen in years. (It’s on Netflix, seriously, why settle for a PG-13?) What about Chris Evans you say? Well, based on this movie and ‘Snowpiercer’ I guess at this point I’m inclined to think of him more as a guy who was well-cast as Captain America than a standout thespian. Anyway ‘The Gray Man’ sucks, and what sucks more is that everyone involved who could have said “no thanks” took their money and settled to make a movie as shitty as ‘The Gray Man.’ I guess they figured most people would just let Netflix’s autoplay rip right onto the next trash entertainment seconds after the credits roll so that whatever comes on next might keep you from telling your friends not to watch ‘The Gray Man.’
And Now… A Lot of Honorable Mentions…
This is the part where I cheat the very concept of a top ten list by telling you all the other movies I saw and liked that would never fit. Feel free to skip ahead to the actual top ten if you wish, but I do expect you to watch all the films in this section as well in the next month. You’re not busy, are you?
Scream: Yes, it would have been decent of them to have just called it ‘Scream 5,’ but then you can bet your ass the frustrating repeat title in a series as meta as Scream in an age of and Shaft sequels set in the same universe but with the exact same title as their franchise-starters, is very intentional. It’s more ‘Scream,’ you know? I’m still enjoying these movies, and looking forward to watching ‘VI’ this week. (Now streaming on Paramount+.)
The Batman: Rainy Gotham with a Michael Giacchino score, emo Robert Pattinson, Nirvana needle-drops and a scenery-chewing Colin Farrell in a fat suit? Yeah, you could say I had a good time with ‘The Batman’… (Now streaming on HBO Max.)
After Yang: Thoughtful, melancholy science fiction from director Kogonada, who made 2017’s excellent ‘Columbus.’ Most will find it slow but there’s a lot here for those willing to get on Yang’s wavelength. (Available to rent.)
X: Those missing fun (and sexy!) horror need look no further than Ti West’s ridiculously enjoyable slasher throwback. Although if you like this you should look further into prequel ‘Pearl’ and get excited for threequel ‘MaXXXine,’ set to release later this year. (Now streaming on Showtime.)
Ambulance: An exhilarating old school action/crime flick from Michael Bay, who so far seems to understand best how to effectively use drones as more than just cheap helicopters to film action. Also manic Jake Gyllenhaal is one of my favorite kinds of Jake Gyllenhaal. (Now streaming on Prime Video.)
Dual: Amusing science fiction dark comedy about a woman (Karen Gillan in a great double performance) forced to fight her own clone in a duel (hence the title pun) to the death. (Now streaming on Hulu and AMC+.)
Top Gun: Maverick: Not much to say that hasn’t been said with this one, but I’ll simply say that as someone who always thought the original ’86 ‘Top Gun’ was a sort of fun but very dumb piece of military propaganda, I thought ‘Maverick’ was a better film in every way. I saw ‘TGM’ twice in theaters and enjoyed the hell out of it both times, though I’m still not really sure how one plays “Dogfight Football”… (Now streaming on Paramount+ and MGM+.)
The Black Phone: Very Stephen King-esque (it was after all based on a short story by King’s son) horror-thriller with a standout Ethan Hawke performance. (Now streaming on Prime Video.)
Bodies Bodies Bodies: Fun slasher whodunit about a bunch of rich kids getting picked off during a hurricane party at a mansion. If you feel a strong affection or hatred towards Pete Davidson, you may enjoy this film based on either of those emotions… (Available to rent.)
Prey: If we gotta have more ‘Predator’ movies, having a predator face off against a young Comanche woman in 18th Century America was a pretty cool concept. It’s certainly the best ‘Predator’ since the original, and made me want to see star Amber Midthunder in more stuff (action or not) and for director Dan Trachtenberg have his own original blockbuster. (Now streaming on Hulu.)
Emily the Criminal: Aubrey Plaza as you’ve never seen her before (seriously, she doesn’t just play an “Aubrey Plaza type”) in this very good crime drama about a desperate woman who enters the world of credit card fraud to find she’s very good at it. (Now streaming on Netflix.)
Three Thousand Years of Longing: You all said after ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’ that you wanted to see George Miller’s next movie and then you didn’t go see it! No, it’s not ‘Fury Road,’ ‘Three Thousand Years of Longing’ isn’t an action movie — it’s weirder and all about why we tell each other stories. If you claim to like original movies then put your money where your mouth is and check out Miller’s wild and interesting new movie. (Now streaming on MGM+.)
Speak No Evil: The movie I like the least on this list. Seriously, I kind of hated ‘Speak No Evil’ because it made me feel so bad but I can’t deny the skill that got me to that place and not mention this one when so many horror films are just upsetting but forgettable. For genre fans who want their day, their week, or screw it, let’s say their whole goddamn month ruined by a very, very disturbing film, well, I guess you could check out ‘Speak No Evil.’ But seriously, I did warn you… (Now streaming on AMC+ and Shudder.)
Confess, Fletch: One of the movies I was saddest to see fail financially last year, though I’m still routing for a streaming revival and the HBO series this deserves to be. Jon Hamm is perfect as Gregory Mcdonald’s wiseass private eye Irwin M. Fletcher, or Fletch for short, in director Greg Mottola’s (‘Superbad,’ ‘Adventureland’) (hopefully soon-to-be-cult-classic) comedy caper. (Now streaming on Showtime.)
Bros: Billy Eichner and Nicholas Stoller’s gay rom-com was good and yet like many on this list this year, practically no one saw it. I guess there’s always a second life potential for streaming… (Now streaming on Peacock.)
Decision to Leave: The story of a married Korean detective who becomes obsessed with a Chinese woman who may have murdered her husband, this classic noir setup is given a contemplative and clever new spin by writer/director Park Chan-Wook. Why wasn’t this one up for any Oscars this year? (Now streaming on Mubi.)
Aftersun: Charlotte Wells’ charming and thoughtful slice of life drama recreates a childhood vacation with her young father (a justly Oscar-nominated Paul Mescal). (Available to rent.)
She Said: The story of the New York Times reporters that broke the Harvey Weinstein story and started the Me-Too era stirringly retold. If it did any box office business, maybe it’d have been more of an awards contender but as someone frequently weary of ripped-from-the-headlines dramas, ‘She Said’ was a lot better than I expected, a solid and engaging film, totally worth at least two of your hours. (Now streaming on Peacock.)
Bones and All: Okay, so this cannibal coming-of-age romantic drama does have the occasional gross visual that’ll turn some squeamish viewers off. But honestly, if you can make it past the premise you’ll probably enjoy this not-very-genre-y genre flick as a touching, offbeat story of young outsiders searching for their place. (Available to rent.)
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery: Some more fun with Rian Johnson, Daniel Craig and that silly accent accent of his… (Now streaming on Netflix.)
All Quiet on the Western Front: I actually think Hollywood’s 1930 best picture winning ‘All Quiet on the Western Front’ holds up fairly well. But, for all the things they couldn’t show you 93 years ago (and if you prefer your Germans to actually speak German) now we’ve got this version. I gather war is still Hell, though it sure is a good-looking Hell here with some very strong performances. (Now streaming on Netflix.)
Cha Cha Real Smooth: Young writer/director/actor Cooper Raiff’s followup to his charming 2020 romantic coming of age comedy ‘Shithouse’ is another romantic coming of age comedy. I guess if you like that sort of thing like I do check it out — it’s pretty good. (Now streaming on Apple TV+.)
Babylon: Maybe the most mixed feelings I have about a movie on this list, I think ‘Babylon’ is overlong and a ultimately a bit of an unfocused mess. But man, are there a couple sequences in the first half of the movie that are just among the very best of last year’s crop. Not to mention a delightfully unhinged Margot Robbie matching the energy of a movie that opens with an elephant shitting in a guy’s face. (Now streaming on Paramount+.)
Women Talking: Sarah Polley’s adaptation of Miriam Toew’s novel about women debating abandoning their Mennonite community and its abusive men somehow got no Oscar nominations for acting and you’re gonna have to watch this movie to realize how dang crazy that is… (Now streaming on Prime Video.)
Armageddon Time: Writer/director James Gray’s semi-autobiographical tale of a kid growing up in Queens in the 80s and realizing how unfair the world is slick and well-acted enough to not leave you too depressed about, well, the unfairness part I guess… (Now streaming on Peacock.)
And Now Will’s Top Ten…
10. RRR
Anyone could have made boring but “realistic” dramatic biopics about Komoram Bheem and Alluri Sitarama Raju, two Indian revolutionaries who likely never met. Instead Tollywood director S. S. Rajamouli made a movie in which the two men are best friends. You know, the kind of best friends who give each other piggy back rides (while an original song tells us what great friends they are) and shoot arrows with grenades attached to them at the British army. I’m ashamed to say thus far I’ve only seen ‘RRR’ at home, but I cannot wait to see it in a theater with an audience, and even on that home viewing I was just about smiling from beginning to end. Hollywood take note and ask yourself — seriously, why couldn’t the Avengers or Fast & Furious crew ever sing or dance just a little bit? (You can watch ‘RRR’ on Netflix, but don’t be like me and find a screening if you can!)
9. Tár
Both the best original character of the year and the best performance? As Fargo’s Marge Gunderson would assert, “oh yeah, you betcha.” Todd Field’s ‘Tár’ is a challenging, meticulous film that’s worthy of it’s great and complicated protagonist and just about as pressing and current as anything I’ve seen recently. (Now streaming on Peacock.)
8. Barbarian
That Zach Cregger, the director (and star) of the 2009 critically derided sex comedy ‘Miss March’ would go on to direct the breakout horror hit of 2022 is just about as surprising as the movie itself — which if you heard about you probably heard you should go in cold knowing nothing about it. Thankfully I followed this advice and had a terrific time, but surprises or spoilers aside however you come at this one ‘Barbarian’ is an exciting, very funny and wickedly entertaining movie about gender and class in America. (Now streaming on HBO Max.)
7. Everything Everywhere All At Once
There’s sure to be a lot more talk about this one in forseeable future, so allow me to chime in and say that even if the new film from The Daniels (that’s Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, who made one of my parents’ least favorite movies, ‘Swiss Army Man,’ a few years ago) isn’t the film I connected most to last year I’ll still be very happy for it to win Best Picture just based on the energy and imagination of this thing alone. Listen Hollywood, let’s get some more originality, some more Michelle Yeoh (she need not be confined to supporting roles in the likes of ‘Shang-Chi’ and ‘Crazy Rich Asians,’ let’s make her the female John Wick!), some more Ke Huy Quan (good to have you back, buddy) and above all, give me more Raccacoonie! (Now streaming on Showtime.)
6. Pearl
Cate Blanchett may have had the best performance of the year, but I’d have to give my personal favorite performance award to the astonishing Mia Goth — a performance that goes on and improves through what may be the best closing titles of any movie ever. Ti West’s prequel to his own highly enjoyable slasher throwback ‘X’ could have easily turned out a generic splatter-fest. But instead he and co-writer Goth add unexpected influences to their cinematic stew like 50’s melodrama, Universal monster movies and even ‘The Wizard of Oz’ to make ‘Pearl’ more of a strange and haunting character drama than slice and dice thriller. Bravo. (Available for rent.)
5. The Fabelmans
Steven Spielberg’s slightly fictionalized (okay, maybe he didn’t actually have a girlfriend in high school) retelling of his childhood is less corny love-letter to cinema than an examination of what broke his family apart and the sacrifices obsessive but gifted artists make in pursuit of their craft. Great stuff. (Available for rent.)
4. Crimes of the Future
While I’m as much a fan of ‘A History of Violence’ and ‘Eastern Promises’ as anyone, not since the ’90s has a David Cronenberg film felt this… Cronenberg. That is to say ‘Crimes of the Future’ is shocking and slimy body horror with no shortage of dark comedy, an arresting new science fiction world, a thought-provoking premise and likely my favorite Kristen Stewart performance ever; Stewart plays a mousy office worker who’s, like, super horny for Viggo Mortenson — but only when he’s being cut up on an operating table. It ain’t for everyone, but if it sounds like it’s for you, trust me and check it out! (Now streaming on Hulu.)
3. The Northman
Writer/director Robert Egger’s unjustly unseen Viking epic is way more than just arthouse ‘Braveheart.’ ‘The Northman’ feels like a pure Norse myth turned into a stunning Hollywood blockbuster before your eyes with none of the Hollywood pandering or moralizing you’d expect. Brutal, beautiful and unforgettable. (Now streaming on Prime Video.)
2. The Banshees of Inisherin
While not the most downright entertaining film by writer/director Martin McDonagh (that award still goes to my personal favorite ‘In Bruges’) this is Mcdonagh’s most mature film, and still a great entertainment. Hilarious, heartbreaking and Irish as Hell, ‘The Banshees of Inisherin’ also wins my personal award for best ensemble cast (with no shade intended towards ‘Everything Everywhere All At Once,’ the SAG winner). (Now streaming on HBO Max.)
1. Nope
Unlike Jordan Peele’s excellent directorial debut ‘Get Out,’ his new film is a bit more mysterious with its themes and intentions. But if you, like me, liked but maybe didn’t love ‘Nope’ on first watch, I encourage you to watch it again. There’s plenty of discussion to be had on what the movie has to say about respecting nature or America’s media addiction but it’s also just a damn good monster movie with a standout Keke Palmer performance. Keep ’em comin’, Jordan! (Now streaming on Peacock.)
